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December 24, 2003

I can see George Formby.

Never ever work for/with anyone you vaguely know ever. Just in case.

Just in case they turn out to be car-carrying mermaids of the incompetent party and you're forced by circumstance and higher porpoise to chainsaw their heads off in some random Tianamen Square re-enactment for the benefit of vulture capitalists. They're the ones driving the brightly coloured tanks emblazoned with the colours of WiReD, who are webcasting the whole event in an exclusive pay-per-view deal with the thousands of people you stepped on to get this far.

Now you're out there with nowt but a misfiring Danarm between you and a zombie horde of half-bright scumsucker MCSE-analogues who'll fountain bright green corrosive pus from every festering stump given any sort of a TV opportunity, while every fucker you know who would delight in watching you squirm is camped out in front of their telly with a stack of fresh-smelling videotapes, a mobile with three weeks standby and one big button that reads 'pizza, toilet roll and skins' and a chemical bog round the back of the sofa so they don't have to miss one damn thing.

Roll on them crazy double diamonds and throw a half-sixpence so we're out of here on the next ramjet to space city. I'm booked on the overnight BOAC shuttle to New Caledonia station, and then onwards to the Empire Rocketry Research Group on Mars where I'm contracted to fix a knotty problem with the analogue input subsection assembly on MARINAC - Those boffins can build 'em, but it takes a few years experience in the asteroid belt to track down that sort of randomness.

Posted by Hirez at December 24, 2003 06:03 PM


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